When things are going on well, would you chance it (50/50) in
favor of something better? In the past, I’d yell “Geronimo!” to
just about anything and go for it, even when the odds are low
or stacked up against me. It made things exciting. Nowadays,
I’m inclined to think that I’ve become more and more reluctant
to play my cards even when the chances are good, only to have
my conscience beating the crap out of my head (like how the
intro in one of Orbital’s song goes: “it’s better to regret
something you have done than to regret something you haven’t
done.”) later for letting it slip by. It’s not that I have
anything to lose anyways. Sure, I’ve had my share of bruises
from the leaps but it wasn’t anything that crippled me. The
lack of anything exciting in the past few months has really
taken the wind out of me. I need my adrenaline fix and this
darned dysfunctional defense mechanism of mine isn’t helping.