Month: November 2005

Never Argue With An Army Of Simians With Keyboards

I got plenty to say about a certain subject matter but I don’t think I have the bandwidth (time and effort wise) to be able to withstand the backlash, wrath and aftermath that will ensue (I can only take as much as I can give, at the most). No matter how rational your argument is or going to be, in the eyes of those who have been drinking the Kool Aid, the subject matter can’t do any wrong, can’t be wrong and can’t be wronged. RFC 2795 and the 100 monkeys can’t be wrong theory very much apply.

It’s a major road wreck indeed. And the typical Malaysian in me just can’t help stopping by to have a look each time.

Now, with that bit off my chest, allow me to return to my usual monkey business.

¡Mamacita! ¡Tu tanga rosada es tan fantástico!

Mama turns 54 today. Many happy returns, Ma! She may be a few years past the semicentennial mark already, but she still down wit’ it, nahmsayin’ esé? That’s the latest photo of her which was taken last weekend. Some traits (especially weird and geeky ones) do actually run upwards from child to parent in my family.

In other news, my new ride arrived today (“Look Ma! I got myself a present too on your birthday!”). As much as I hate the idea of having to own a car, the piss poor planning of our public transportation system and the nature of my job eventually made it an inevitable choice that I had to succumb to. So there goes another chunk off my monthly salary. Looks like I’ll have to put any plans for a long term commitment with a member of the opposite sex on hold yet again.

Ballistically Banal

I found a new place that has its queues moving slower than
those in banks or government offices today. It’s called Maxis
Center in TTDI. What made the waiting worse was that I had to
sit next to some people and endure their constant bitching
about the lady’s husband’s brother’s daughter’s grandfather’s
second wife. Don’t get me started on those who were heard having
Crazy Frog’s Axel F
as their choice of ringtone.

So before I went ballistic, I decided to head over to the
mamak shop nearby and have lunch while waiting for my number to
be up. I happen to sit at the table next to a girl who was
having lunch with her boyfriend. I immediately noticed that she
was speaking English in an unidentifiable accent. The way the
a’s were sounding like e’s and the way the r’s were rolled, she
was really trying to sound American. On the other hand, I
noticed the hint of ‘u’ whenever the word ‘color’ was mentioned.
For a moment there, it did sound sexy, though in a funny way.

You might think I’m being pissy over all these, I’m really
not. I’m just being oversensitive to my surroundings at the
moment, that’s all. I know I need to desensitize myself to
everything. Blame it on my being confined in the sensory
deprivation tank over long periods of time. Toldya
I need to get out more.

And The Answer To Afdlin Shauki’s “Why You Still Fat” Is…

… because Mawi
and Datuk K
were clenching (their buttcheeks) or kemut as you’d say it
in Bahasa. At least that’s the answer tonight’s audience got.

It was an enjoyable affair tonight. Another full house
performance that filled even the floors and steps of The Actors
Studio. Mawi’s “aura” and Siti Nurhaliza’s “power” played a small
part in it (without requiring their presence but at their expense).
There was even a Hari Raya open-house-outside-his-house that
Afdlin held just before the show started. A weighing machine was
conspicuously placed near the buffet line. Several were spotted
easing down on the buffet after that. Interesting technique.

Saturday Morning Shenanigans

After completing my run early this morning (with time to spare…
TAKE THAT!), I decided to join a group of people there who were
doing their Saturday morning tai-chi routine just to see what the
buzz was all about. Let me tell you, nothing invigorates you
better than pushing air, slapping wrists, knees, etc. I
immediately felt my bowel move as I was pushing the air around me.
Having bowel movement is always good. Some were heard breaking
wind too so it was good that I was pushing all the air away
anyways. As for slapping wrists, knees and other limbs, I suppose
it could have been made better if it incorporated some
bitch/pimp slapping
routine. Go with someone you loathe for best results on the
pretext of having a bonding session. Not only would those tai-chi
sessions be invigorating, they would be therapeutic too. Beats
going to the shrink any day. At no charge as well.

Weight Issues?

In year 2002, people asked him, “Why You So Fat?”

In year 2005, nothing’s changed, people ask him, “Why You Still Fat?”

Answers on Nov 17th thru Nov 20th at The Actors Studio, Bangsar. This message was brought to you by the crazy people in the ORganisasi Groupie Afdlin Shauki Malaysia.

The! Worst! Softdrink! Ever! Made!

Pepsi Tarik has gotta rank as the foulest tasting carbonated
beverage ever made in the history of softdrinks. Whoever that
came up with the drink must have been smoking some weird grass.
Stay away from it, people! Oh, and I want my money back too.
It’ll go into the proceeds to fix my tastebuds.

I Knew What I Was Going To Do This Raya

As mentioned last raya, I knew what I was gonna do this raya. So as far as this year’s raya routine was concerned, it was dead on. But I think I’m going to have to add another item to the list: People asking me when I’m going to get married. That question never fails to pop at each and every house that I’ve been to from JB to KL this year. I’m amazed that I’m still able to come up with pretty good excuses though. Still, as always, I remain ready to commit into a long term relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

On another note, it’s been a while since I released any remixes. So here now I give you RayaStarter! (The Mercun Remix) for everyone’s ear bleeding pleasure this Hari Raya. Just like them darned firecrackers.

RayaStarter! (The Mercun Remix)

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