Today, I came one step closer to being a Type 2 Chinese
when I became part of my colleague’s “hing tai” (brothers)
at his wedding. I also got a firsthand experience of Fear
Factor – Chinese Wedding style, thanks to the antics of the
bride’s “chi mui” (sisters) when we were trying to get through
to the bride. My tastebuds got all funny after consuming a
freakingly hot bun laced with wasabi-like sambal and washing it
down with a glass of bitter herbal drink typically found at
those sinseh shops. Needless to say, for a couple of hours
today, I developed a newfound appreciation for the programs on
Astro Wah Lai Toi. That all got neutralized however, when our
table was graciously served with briyani during the reception
dinner instead of the standard issue 8 course meal for fear that
the 5 of us Malays may accidentally ingest non-halal food. If
anything else, this whole experience has has made me ready for
that long term relationship with a member of the opposite sex
that is not from the same bloodline. Kinda handy too with the
new year looming already.
Now, if only I’d take care about the lighting in my house
that is currently 100% generated by fluorescent lights (I
exceed certain specifications of a Type 2 Chinese even).
Perhaps that may be the affliction that’s preventing me from
scoring a breakthrough. Let me confirm that with Lilian Too.
It confounds me to find people shopping at Ikea like they shop
for groceries at the supermarket. And it’s not them buying
couches, desks, shelves or any other big items (i.e. stuff that
requires you to use the furniture trolley or a forklift for that
matter) either. Seriously, folks. If you want to shop for items
such as chopping boards, clothes hangers, AA batteries, etc.
you’d really be better off at either Carrefour, Giant or Tesco.
Not only they’re cheaper, you can pronounce their names properly
too. There are some of us who would really like to get in and out
of Ikea without having to do a stakeout at the carpark stalking
people going back to their cars and then having to wait for your
credit card to clear for that RM31.80 purchase that you’re making,
Contrary to what most cynics and so-called critics of local music think, there are some Malay songs that won’t sound too out of place in a club. If you can spare some 20 minutes of your life (not refundable), you can just listen to what I mean. That is after you spend a few additional minutes downloading my Malay House Music Mix featuring Nikki (Pinta), Camelia (Seiring Sejalan), Tiara Jacquelina (Asmaradana and Katakan Hadirmu Kerana Cinta) and Ning Baizura (Bebaskan). If it does sound out of place, pardon me then ‘cos I’ve never really been to a club and probably mistook it for the ear numbing sounds of feng tau techno or some supermarket in Cheras.
I have been told that you cannot make someone love you. All you
can do instead is stalk them and hope that they panic and give
in. And when they do, you can probably get by on charm for about
fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big weenie or
huge boobs (having both at the same time is not a good idea).
With that insight, you should now find renewed use for those
spam emails you get that you often discard.
So I had a couple of days’ respite. I spent the time letting
the world pass me by while I found solace and solitude soaking
myself in a couple of books whilst listening to some CDs.
Watched a couple of DVDs, went running and actually tried
sleeping too. I’m beginning to grasp the concept of sleeping at
night again. I then began contemplating. And everytime I do
that I get nauseous, constipated and introspective. Enter the epiphany machine.
Monday came. It then occured to me: I’m still not over it
I should do the above more often, i.e. take some time off
to smell them daisies before I start pushing them up. Life is
usually half spent by the time we figure out what it is.
Everybody’s been having a piece of me but me lately. So at the
risk of sounding anti-social, I am going to turn myself into a
hermit for the next few days. Which means that I’ll be staying
off any face-to-face meetings, phone calls, email, SMSes, IM,
etc. No exceptions. Yours truly is not in the building. You may
not leave a message after the beep.
Male carbon based bipedal life form capable of operating machines that can perform billions of operations per second without bloodshed. Also capable of producing millions of male reproductive cells on a daily basis without even trying.